I have a brother who thinks he's Ms. Queen Diva B*tch (He's gay), & if things don't go his way, he has a RAGING fit! He may be 10 yrs. older than me, but I'm tired of him torturing me. He's a control freak with ego problems. I'm 25, & he treats me like I'm too stupid to know left from right, & he publicly embarrasses me & goes off on me for NO reason at all. He caused me to have a panic attack last night, & I was thinking about suicide. He drove me to THAT point! He made it clearly evident that he doesn't give a DAMN about me! I've done nothing to deserve this mistreatment & abuse. We used to be in foster care. & when he was 18, he left. So, I thought he might've changed over the years. No, he got worse. Back then, he used to beat us with metal clothes hangers & lock us up in a hot, steamy laundry room, & he would pick us up in the air & shake us for NO reason. He also did other things. He's very cruel. His ways haven't changed. If I would've known that, I probably SHOULD'VE stayed in NYC to leave myself to get killed. I left NYC to avoid that environment. I had JUST gotten out of the mental hospital last April. & he's SO stupid, he doesn't give a damn. I had already attempted suicide because of my roommates in New York chasing me with knives. The abusive cops just laughed in my face. Cops in Brooklyn are cruel & don't need to be police officers. But anyway. After attempting suicide with the roommates in New York, my brother sent me ALL the way here to TX, just to USE me to pay all his bills. So he started cursing me out & harrassing me because he had to struggle by himself. The reason why I said he was stupid is because he was so selfish & greedy to get my $$ that he didn't care if I would've committed suicide or not. He gives me no privacy. He snoops through my belongings. He has NO respect for me. He would have gum disease & use my toothbrush, & then have NERVE to ask me if I brushed my teeth. Like I'm a 3-yr. old. I'd rather be funky-mouthed with NO disease, damn it! It's questionable of whether he has HIV or not. That's what the family says. & I suspect that he has pubic lice since he has spray for it, lying around the house. He's always telling people what THEY need to do, but his OWN life isn't straight. Everything he tells me I need to do, he should be doing, too. I'm glad I have my own apt. now. & now that I have my place, he cut his internet service off, just to come & freeload off of mine & go on those gay sites & put viruses on them. & he makes me feel uncomfortable & unwelcome in my own home. I tell him not to smack his food, & he thinks I have nerve telling him that. He makes me really wanna choke & beat him when he smacks NASTY! It hurts my ears. I told him that. & it's a shame how he smacks louder than he talks. That's how bad it is. He sucks AND smacks on his food. He has NO manners whatsoever. If I don't want you smoking in my house, even if you go outside & smoke, I don't want that freakin' residue on my bed sheets! & he walks on my mattress AND pillows, with his dirty shoes on. (I have a mattress on the floor. No bed frame.) He knows this is a racist town. & he's trying to trap me here. There are NO job opportunities, & there's hardly any transportation. It's sad how I have a college degree (BA in Spanish), & STILL can't find a job here! Not even with the school system. Every time I mention about moving out of this town, he attacks me like a rottweiler, but verbally. When I had my car a few yrs. ago, it was BRAND new. He always wanted to DRIVE it. In fact, he wanted to drive it before riding it. He's been driving for about 20 yrs., & STILL can't drive! He's a wreckless driver with road rage. I even offered to PAY him to let me practice driving so I can get my TX state license. He took my $$ & made up an excuse not to let me drive. I am not a wreckless driver. In fact, I have OCD, so I try as best as possible to follow the road rules. But every day he calls & nags me constantly about using my computer. I had a license, but when I moved here, they wanted me to take the test ALL over again. I'm messed up ALL kinds of ways, living here in Denton. I resent him, & my schizophrenic mom wants to try to call it jealousy. But for what? He also keeps trying to pressure me into getting a phone service I can't afford. Why? It's not like he wants to talk to me anyway. I KNOW I don't do anything annoying to him. But he'll call ME & within 45 seconds, he'll make up an excuse to get off the phone with me. But when it comes to everyone else, like other family, his gay friends, & his female friends, he talks to them about any & everything for hours & hours. But he only talks to me about computers & jobs, & nothing else. If I try to talk about something else to him, (even in MY house), he'll ignore me & then get an attitude. He doesn't even care how important it is, what I have to say. He'll decide on a weekend to send for me to come all the way to his house, just so he can psychologically torture me. & he tries to trap me & make me spend the WHOLE weekend. Be in the house ALL day, & I don't exist. He waits until his mouth is stuffed full of food to start telling me things. & it's bad enough that even earplugs or my earphones with CD/mp3 player @ the LOUDEST volume, WITH bass, don't even block out his smacking sound. I'm not overexaggerating. It's THAT bad! When I was living with him last yr., he lied to me, saying I didn't have to pay anything. He was mismanaging his OWN money & asking me for money every day. He was working 2 jobs, @ that! Still asking me for money. I was only getting paid like $643/mo. or something for SSI & Social Security. He would lie to me & say he needs my $$ to go pay the light bill, & he gives it to his gay friends & buys pizza & cigarrettes. But if I buy toilet tissue or dishwashing liquid, he'd publicly embarrass me & yell @ me, talking about me spending ALL my $$, when I'd spend only $2. He would only come home 2 days out of the week & he would order me to do chores & clean up HIS mess that he made just before he left! & he'd come home grouchy towards me. When I had my car, he would say, "Don't slam your door. Ur gonna make ur car raggedy!" I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with him, because the door CAN'T slam! It was 1 of those new cars with slam-resistant doors. When his gay friends & when my other brother came to stay with him, they got to do whatever they wanted, & they didn't have to pay him a PENNY! Not even have to do chores to stay with him. & BELIEVE me! They were very filthy & messy. I didn't ask to come down here. He's trying to make everyone live here. I don't know why. I can't even try to talk our problems & misunderstandings because he falsely accuses me of talking crazy & starting my sh*t, when I'm not. I can't even ask him why he treats me so differently from everyone else. The former foster family gave me post-traumatic stress disorder because of their abuse. This brother right here, is making me re-live my past abusive situations. He was sort of treated the same way by them, so why is he trying to finish where they left off, with their abuse? ***I do NOT "choose" to deal with this. & I have no way to get out. I can't just up & move ANYWHERE. I'm glad I have my own place now, but he wants to treat me like my apt. belongs to him. I need assertiveness training. He's very intimidating & threatening. Also forceful. Lack of money & having no job, are what's holding me back. He just got finished calling & calling me to use my computer.