11/30/2008 blog

 Them damn loud ass ringing bells!


I wish those DAMN Salvation Army bells stop ringing! I can hear them from outside my house. After what they did me in the Salvation Army shelter last yr., I have no freakin' respect for them anymore, but I still donated a dollar to them the day before yesterday when I as at WalMart. Last yr, I was taking extra courses @ school. They wanted me to go to their church services, right? (me & my brother weren't getting along, so I had 2 go 2 a shelter before I got hurt) So, the lady already KNEW I don't believe in God. I believe in a different higher power. Also, I had a psychology test the next day. 1st exam DURING the summer semester @ that! I didn't wanna start off on the wrong foot. But anyway, the lady DEMANDED that I go to church. I said that I can't because I'm studying (old white lady, too), so she got mad & took a broom & started trashing my things all over the room & then told me to clean & pick it up. I told her I wasn't doing it because SHE was the 1 who made the mess. So she called the owner of the shelter, who was a tall, bald-headed, sort of light-skinned black man. (I'm Black, myself I'm brown-skinned.-yeah, I know race & color are irrelevant but this is a racist ass little town) She showed him the mess & lied & said that "I" did it. & so he told me, "You need to clean this up. That's not acceptable!" & he didn't even give me a chance to freakin' explain that SHE made the mess. He didn't wanna believe it because she's 1 of his staff members. I heard that he snuck behind my back & called the cops on me & get me out of there. & then THAT'S WHEN I had an anxiety attack & Tourette's outburst & crying all together. Yes, the symptoms collide in stressful situations. & the man had ALREADY called the cops. & he said, "U the 1 actin' all crazy!" I was upset & afraid because I didn't have any place else to go. I was new in town here in North TX. Had a personal tragedy in NYC. But back to the story, the cops came. I had quite a bit of stuff, & they tried to make me leave without getting my stuff. & the cops kept saying what the rights of the staff were. They didn't have a right to trash my valuables, just because I didn't go to church services because I was studying for a hard ass psychology test the next day. I asked them what rights I had, & the police officer got in my face & said, "NONE!" I don't know why police officers act like people don't have rights. Good thing my financial aid had JUST kicked in! & I took a cab & slept in a hotel that night. Next day, I got me an apartment. I'm thankful to have my own place & not have to live under other people's rules. ______________________________________ My brother sent for me to come ALL the way down here to try to use me to pay ALL his bills, & he totally disrespected me, invaded my privacy, had gum disease & used my damn toothbrush, snoop through my things, order me around like a slave (he's gay & never made his gay friends nor my other brother do chores when they were living there). I was afraid to speak up & stand up to him, so I told my mom, thinking she would help. Naw, she was being troublesome, exaggerated, & made the situation worse. I didn't ask to come down here. He SENT for me to come down here because of my personal tragedy in New York. Used me to pay ALL his bills after he LIED & said I didn't have to pay anything. I had to travel straight from the "hospital" from Brooklyn, NY to come ALL the way to the DFW metro area. Now, he doesn't want me to move out of this town. I'm struggling! No jobs, hardly any transportation, boring, nothing to do. He's trying to strap me down here & doesn't want me to move out of town, yet he'll be in the house with me for 8 hrs. & treat me like I don't exist, & he gets an attitude. He acts like he hates to see me. I'm glad I have my own place now, FINALLY! & he kept nagging me about getting internet service. Once he found out I got it, he cut his off so he wouldn't have to pay the bill in his house, & he'd drive all the way across town to come pop up @ my house, UNEXPECTEDLY, trying to freeload off of MY computer, going on those gay sites & putting viruses on my computer. For all that daily driving he does to come to my house, he could've kept his gas $$ & stayed @ his OWN damn house! Speaking of driving, he would DEMAND to drive my brand new car I had 3 yrs. ago, & now, he won't let me drive his messed up car. I'm glad that a few days ago he came here to use my computer, & I developed the strength to ignore his ass. He was knocking HARD, too, like as if I was OBLIGATED to open the door for him. He's a control freak. That's not fair at all how he DEMANDS to use my computer, but he won't let me practice driving on his car. They made me do the driver's license process ALL over again since I was a new TX resident. & he keeps rubbing it in my face, saying, "I hope you get back into the spirit of driving if the Lord say the same." I said, "Look, stop rubbing it in my face." & he gave me that hate-anger look (IN "MY" HOUSE), like a rottweiler about to attack me, & yelled @ me, saying, "I'm not rubbin' it in yo' face!" I said, "Yes you are!" & then he shut his mouth b/c he was afraid of getting kicked out. My family goes WAY back in history Foster AND biological. That's why I'm thinking about writing an autobiography & publishing it in foreign countries under a pseudonym, so they won't holler about wanting to take me to court & sue me. But yes, I'm 25, STILL putting up with abuse. I try to stay home alone. Can't find a job. Voc. Rehab counselor closed my case because I can't control my Tourette's tics, & she said no one will hire me. The grievance lady defended her side & made it like I was wrong. I have a BA in Liberal Arts/Spanish. Disabled on SSI & Social Security. I'm more mentally disabled than I thought I was. I HAVE to work alone. Other people distract me with their loud gum-clicking ignorance. Gosh! This is a struggle.


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I was still in the IDMR cult & wasn't a Christian yet. Don't judge or condemn my past!