False Profits

A Christian short story about a Pentecostal charismatic scam mega pastor.



"Damien, it's time to get up for church, honey.", says his wife Liz. 

Damien nervously springs up out of bed, being awakened out of a BRUTAL bad dream. He goes to use the bathroom, brushes his teeth, showers, washes & grooms his hair, & then gets dressed. He was disturbed about a nightmare about Reverend McNeil being the cause of everyone in the church congregation losing their jobs & ending up in the same 1 homeless shelter, instead of being at the church. 

He sits at the table, & Liz serves him a sweet potato pancake casserole, which is his FAVORITE! That perked him up. The casserole is basically eggs, bacon, sausage, sweet potatoes, apples, raisins, cinnamon, nutmeg, powdered cloves, & milk, all baked inside of pancake mix (baked in the oven), with old fashioned molasses drizzled on top. She fixed him his favorite meal because she sensed that something was bothering him. She was surprised that he didn't have an appetite to eat. 

"Is everything ok?", she asks. 

Damien gasps & then responds, "Baby, I'm about to open up a can of worms, & NOBODY'S going to like it!" 

Liz gives him a confused look.

He continues on & says, "You see? The Lord showed me something in a dream. We gotta get outta that church. Rev. McNeil is a snake & a false preacher."

Liz says, "What do you mean? Generations of my family has gone there, & it's the biggest & best megachurch in town!"

He said, "That's the problem. MEGACHURCH & BIGGEST are the 2 red flags that you just called out. COGIC is Masonic. The church is called 'Salt & Light Ministries', but there's no salt or light there. The way that Reverend McNeil runs the church is NOT of God. See? I had a bad dream that he was stealing people's money & making them homeless. I also suspect that he's using our money for drugs."

Liz said, "You're right. Because last week, everybody was wondering if he was drunk. He was slurring his words, talking crazy & stumbling. Sadly, nobody cared to see what was wrong or try to help him. All they did was gossip & giggle. I even questioned about his fake 'miracles' that cause people to seemingly play dead for a few minutes, the speaking in tongues, the fake holy laughter & being slain in the spirit. The health, wealth & prosperity gospel only benefits him, while we're being made poor. Sister Gretchen couldn't even pay her light bill this month because all of her money went to tithes & offerings." 

Damien said, "What!? Let's call Sister Gretchen RIGHT NOW! That man must be out of his mind for doing that to the elderly!"

She begged him not to call Sister Gretchen, but he did anyway. 

"Sister Gretchen, this is Damien Meadows from Salt & Light Ministries. How are you doing today?"

Sister Gretchen replied, in such a frail voice, "Well, thank God that you called, because I could use some of your prayers. My electricity is turned off, I don't have food, my husband is dying in the hospital with cancer spreading all over his body, & I'm about to get evicted soon."

So, Damien drags his wife over to Sister Gretchen's house. They surely skipped church service that day. When they got to Sister Gretchen's house, they found out that she didn't even have gas in her car. 

They pray with her & for her. They take her out to "Sylvia's Soul Food" for dinner, & then the next day, they pay her electricity bill for her, get her up-to-date with her rent, buy her groceries & then take her to go visit her husband in the ICU at the hospital. Unfortunately, Sister Gretchen's husband, Ralph, dies in her arms 20 minutes after arriving during the visit. Oh, great! Now, there's a funeral to plan. 

The following Sunday, Damien rushed to church with his wife & Sister Gretchen, & he publicly rebuked & exposed Rev. McNeil in front of the whole congregation. Rev. McNeil was sober that Sunday. He tried to gaslight Damien, & the members defended Rev. McNeil over him. 1 of the members secretly called the cops & lied, saying that Damien was making death threats at Rev. McNeil. Damien was hauled off to jail, not being allowed to explain himself. He was later bailed out by another church member, named Joe Gibson. 

Joe Gibson said, "I believe you, man!" & then they hugged each other. Joe Gibson also paid for Ralph's funeral expenses. The funeral was held, & after the funeral, there was a family debate on whether or not to put Sister Gretchen in a retirement home. Sister Gretchen died 10 days after her husband & was laid to rest, right next to him.

Damien went into a depression, & his wife, Liz, tried to comfort him by cooking his favorite meals & massaging him every day. They prayed every day. 

THE END