I woke up to some good news this morning. I finally will get my tax refund money on Wednesday. I'm feeling conflicted on what to do with it & how to spend it. I still couldn't land myself permanent housing because of the "3 1/2 times the rent" rule. It seems like permanent housing & car are totally out of the question. I feel disappointed.
I have certain needs, so I don't think I will be able to use this money to stay here for another whole month, like I thought I could, because I thought I was going to get the money last week. It's OK, though. I'm glad my anxieties are all over. It's coming.
I'm also trying to see about prioritizing my needs. I wonder how important it is to get this cracked tooth fixed, & how expensive it is. What if it might cost me my entire refund check or more? I wish the abscess & cracked tooth never would've happened. I blame that on homelessness & depression, due to the gang stalking & online cyberbullying.
I'm also conflicted about the survival/prepping. Another YouTuber got smart assed with me this evening, with me asking for advice on trying to prep as a homeless person. He was almost just as rude, but said opposite of what Alaska Prepper said. This guy is "Survival Living". So many arrogant, high-minded narcs in the prepper community, which makes me feel discouraged. I either get rude answers or totally ignored. Some popular fake preppers act like they think they're invincible, like they have all their ducks in a row. They feel like there's NO EXCUSE for people to not be prepping or stocking up. Me being a TI, I'm always watched, so I can't be stealthy or hide anything. I'm not wasting my money on prepping in vain, just for my stuff to be stolen while I'm on the streets. My valuables were recently stolen, & it's just as devastating as being sexually raped. Especially when your valuables are stolen. I still never sought to go back & get a replacement Medicare or Medicaid card. I don't see doctors that much, anyway. Doctors won't be available during SHTF.
I have certain health supplements that I need to buy, that I'm low on. I also need more bras & panties. I have only a couple of bras, & my cheap fake Walmart panties are all torn. They tear easily. That was all I was able to afford. I'm good on socks & clothes, for now. I need a couple of more towels & washcloths. I have a few other miscellaneous necessities, as well.
As far as prepping goes, I need more new & updated gardening seeds, but what use would it be, if I don't have anywhere to plant them? My gardening skills suck. I have some 2-year old packs of seeds, but I heard that expired gardening seeds don't grow.
I can't think of a business to start, of anything successful to do with the refund check. & I may not be allowed to, since I don't have a permanent residence. I don't trust trying out another cab driving company because I don't want to risk being taken advantage of again. I looked into buying a scooter for DoorDash or UberEATS, but I'm afraid of riding up & downhill, just like with the bikes. I'm not sure if I can even afford a scooter, or if a scooter is small enough to fit into this tiny motel room. I don't trust having a scooter because of fear of the gang stalkers stealing it.
People can trust me with a knife & a scooter/bike, but not a car or a gun because of their narcissistic control & abuse! I've been living with knives FOR YEARS!, & never harmed anyone with it. I have a knife in this motel room right now, that I use strictly to cut food & open packages. Other people have knives for the same reason. I'm pretty sure that there are other motel residents here with knives for food preparation, & don't use them for any other reason. I don't even think about harming anyone. The perps falsely paint me as this "dangerous" person! That's why I'm targeted. They even stalk this blog like a hawk. The perps view us TI's as owned "slaves". Yeah. Human trafficking! They're sick, obsessed & delusional!
I need a new laptop, but I will not buy one with this refund check. I wish I could, though. I need a new phone. This 1 is breaking down on me, + the screen is cracked. I need a clear & uncracked screen, so I can see what I'm writing, since I'm a writer/author & blogger. Even if I were to get another phone, it would be under $100 (not including activation fees). I don't need or want an expensive, fancy phone. I'd prefer a phone similar to this one that I currently have.
I know I shouldn't care, but I still find myself watching over my shoulder, being fearful of being judged & condemned by the obsessed narcissistic online perps for every penny of my own money that I spend. They would condemn me for even TALKING about wishing that I could take a vacation! But I can't take a vacation. I'm fighting to survive. They would even judge me for buying new underwear, but they would be the 1st to make fun of my raggedy clothes. They talk about my old grandma dresses & old folks shoes, but then condemn me if I buy a new pair. They say, "You need to do something about that raggedy ass mop on your head!", but would shun me if I spent a part of MY tax refund money to go get my hair done. I usually don't go to get my hair done anymore. Nobody tells them how to spend their gang stalking money, yet they can try to dictate how I should manage mine! THEY are obsessed with my money & food! They were googling "Candy Grandpre GoFundMe" every day. I no longer have it, & they're still hounding me down about it. It's not their business, especially if they never donated. That's why they're vaccinated & dying! Conformed to the world & meddling in my business. It's time for me to take my power back & live for me.
Earlier this morning, I said,
"Society acts like as if criminals have more rights than people labeled as a "mental patient".
If you're seen by society as "crazy", then everyone acts like they delusionally believe that they have the narcissistic fake pseudo-"authority" to rob you of your free will choices."
I also said,
"No room for luxury when you're fighting to survive!"
& I said,
"When a narcissistic abuser (Narcissist) can't control you with YOUR OWN money, then they smear campaign & lie, saying that you're not good with managing your money, like you're retarded or mentally slow or something. I don't owe a stranger an answer for ANYTHING!"
&
"When a (Narcissist) narcissistic abuser tells you to spend your money "wisely", that translates to...
DON'T SPEND YOUR MONEY AT ALL, & LET "ME" CONFISCATE IT & TAKE CONTROL!"
&
"I woke up to some good news, after I started to get discouraged, get impatient & frustrated & give up!
My MUCH-NEEDED tax refund is FINALLY supposed to come in a few days.
Praise God! I surely need it, but I need HIM even more."
(Something else I needed to mention, but I forgot.) But, anyways. With all the hell the perps put me through, I guess I don't deserve to treat myself to something nice with a couple of hundred dollars of MY refund money! The perps view it as a "treat" (rather than daily survival living) for me to even stay in this motel room. They SO BADLY want me to be undeservingly "punished" with being forced back on the streets homeless again! They can't control or dictate something that's not their business. I'm just trying to survive day to day. So, I guess I can afford 2 or 3 weeks to stay at this motel with my refund money, & then buy a few things that I need. I won't be able to buy everything I need, so I guess I will be forced to go without. I may or may not get another phone. Look at the inflation that's going on!
I don't trust renting a room out of anyone's house anymore because of bad past experiences with being scammed (& being caught off guard with bed bugs), which resulted in my money being forced to be wasted, like my money was forced to be wasted, with my laundry yesterday.