I wish I could go take daily walks, but I can't, in this neighborhood, because it's a bad neighborhood. I love walking & listening to my favorite songs, just like I used to love driving & listening to my favorite songs when I had a car years ago. Due to Gang Stalking, I can no longer go for walks for exercise, mental clarity, fresh air, health improvement & pleasure. It's a greater risk to lose your life, defending yourself against gang stalkers in the 'hood. Yeah, because of these reprobate degenerates!
See a couple of video examples.
Ghetto gang stalkers demanding privacy.
https://youtu.be/yIwPsY7Ydqw
& here's another.
Loud bass ghetto fake thug perp. I can't confront people like him.
https://youtu.be/qyvNyBzjk6Y
If you know what to look for with gang stalking tactics, then you can tell that they're trying to gaslight me.
https://youtu.be/4wrf2LgrsXs
Situations like these, are the reasons why I'm forced to live like a recluse.
I get worried & scared, living a sedentary life, off the streets. See? When I'm homeless on the streets, I'm always on the go. I have no choice but to keep it moving all day, unless I get the lucky day to either get to go to the library or the beach. I'm forced to deal with more gang stalking & harassment on the streets, though. I get worried about my regular health & especially heart health. I wish to get to eat more nutritious. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I eat unhealthy, I deserve to be punished with every health ailment that comes my way, but if I eat healthy, then I'm wasting my money. Some poor people are financially forced to eat unhealthy junk food. I want to eat healthier, fresh, organic, non-GMO fruits, vegetables & other food. I would love to eat according to Price-Pottenger Nutrition or any other healthy diet, but am too poor. I've been living off of a lot of canned & packaged food, & some junk food because I can't afford healthy food. I guess that's preparation for forced living off of canned food when there are no grocery stores. Prepping. I don't have enough money to prep. No stable living.
Remember how I told y'all how difficult it is for me to get food stamps, because Waterfront Mission plays with my mail? No Publix right across the street, like at the previous motel. I had gotten accustomed to eating out at downtown restaurants every meal, being homeless on the streets. Remember when I told y'all that I got threatened with a knife at a homeless day shelter? At the Washburn Center? Homeless perps bully me at soup kitchens, so that's why I was forced to resort to eating out at restaurants every meal when homeless on the streets, but I try to keep it as cheap as possible. Restaurants perp me by cheating me out of my food & then banning me whenever I confront them & stand up for my rights. Or they ban me JUST BECAUSE I'm homeless! The perps get me wrongfully banned from all the cheaper restaurants & hotels/motels & then freak out when I'm cornered to be forced to eat somewhere more expensive. Thankfully & fortunately, I sometimes get a random anonymous Samaritan who would secretly pay for my meals. These bastards REALLY want me to starve to death!
Religious perp narcs, such as Lisa Ruby would be the type to control & manipulate my food & bathroom trips, trying to force starve me, in the name of "fasting". They've abused this. Now, I'm traumatized by TRUE Biblical fasting. Still not spiritually, mentally & physically ready yet. I'm still traumatized. Food deprivation can make you moody, irritable, snappy & not able to think properly, just like sleep deprivation. & food deprivation can cause sleep deprivation. Who are YOU to tell me what to eat, especially when you didn't pay for it? That's why I hate internet folks! Just doggone obnoxious! It's a psychological & spiritual tug of war to try to get these meddlesome online perps out of my business. They don't respect my boundaries.
You narcissistic online perps got your wish. Telling me, "You don't need to be eating 3 meals a day!" I've been eating 2 meals lately & STILL get called "greedy" & told that all I do is sleep all day & stuff my face with food! They need to mind their own business, & their assumptions are false & wrong. How do I sleep all day, when I'm chronically sleep deprived because of this targeting? I don't pig out on food like I used to, when I was on those psych meds.
I don't trust a DoorDasher picking out fresh fruits & vegetables for me, due to the gang stalking. I'd rather pick them out myself. I just let them pick out the already packaged food. They sometimes do my restaurant orders dirty. Now, I seldom order DoorDash as much. & if I do, it might be $25 or $50 of unhealthy groceries from Dollar General or Winn Dixie, to stretch my dollars more, but it's ruining my health. People surely aren't going to shell out more dollars to donate, to help me eat healthier. I still haven't had the fortune to get to find another job. I have some packs of gardening seeds, but no way to grow them. Plus, I may be back on the streets next Friday.
So, there's this food bank that opens up on Thursdays at 6 AM, & it looks like I would have to be there by 6. The perps always sleep deprive me even more, just the night before, & I'm too tired to go in the morning. When I called the lady, she had an attitude with me. The price it would cost for me to take an Uber round trip, I might as well order my own groceries & get them delivered. I can't take the buses. Last I knew, I was banned.
With my money being low, & me staying in this motel, they only have 1 nearby grocery store. That Asian market. The majority of the food is food that you have to cook. I don't have a stove in here. Just fridge & microwave. I felt like, it's pointless to buy a portable stove, pots & pans, rice cooker, smoothie maker, air fryer, toaster oven, crockpot, etc., if I don't know how much longer I will get to stay here. Plus, this motel room is pretty small. I don't have the space to put any of those things. My tax refund money is just about run out. From the looks of it, I may be back on the streets again next week, as I already said. I pray not. All these tornadoes with hail.
My tooth abscess is wishy-washy, but it's gotten a whole lot better. AFTER my doggone tooth cracked. Most days, it lies dormant. It seems like, it's easier to keep the abscess at bay, as long as I can brush my teeth really good with the hydrated bentonite clay & floss. The clay helps reduce the swelling & pressure on my tooth. & the poop taste & white fungus get cleared out of my mouth better than the salt water with baking soda. The abscess keeps trying to come back, though. But kept to a minimum. I'm able to eat a little better & enjoy my food a little better. Less pain. I hate that it took for the tooth to crack, in order for the abscess to reduce. But now, since the tooth is cracked, it's quicker & easier to clear up the pus trying to form again. I guess, because it's easier for the clay to hit more of my gums. I can't afford a dentist. I was going to try to use some of my tax refund money to see a dentist, but I had to cancel the appointment, because that dentist agency was a scam.
So, I guess I have to just live with my tooth being like this & just keep brushing it with the bentonite clay. I noticed that if I eat sweets &/or junk food, the abscess tries to come back, but when I eat nutritious, it shrinks & tries to disappear. I wish my tooth never cracked. I wish I never had the abscess. I wonder if I'm still at risk for sepsis &/or heart attack.
I wish I had my own business/job & stable living. I wish I wasn't a TI. Why can't I get to live like normal?
There was even a so-called TI trying to discredit me, with being attacked with DEW's. Trying to tell me that my heart pain is due to bad diet. No. I know the difference between heart pain, due to health issues & health pain, due to Directed Energy Weapons. Shortly after midnight, I was doing a YouTube video, & the perps started hitting me in my heart with DEW's. The pain started intensifying. They didn't like what I was exposing or talking about. Once I mentioned that, the pain stopped instantly. Just like when they were squeezing my organs, they stopped after I did the video. When they recently caused my thumb to vibrate, they stopped, after I did a video showing proof. & the online perps still falsely say that I'm a delusional hypochondriac pretending to be attacked with DEW's, as a clout/money scam. They hate being exposed!
This guy, I may have to cut him off because he's acting like a controlling narc, who wants to try to "fix" me. Making me feel very uncomfortable. He has weird spiritual beliefs, also. Trying to mix Black Hebrew Israelite cult talk + New Age. This is also the guy who tried to tell me that not all freemasons are bad people, since some people are born into it. He even tried to justify why Christians have "superpowers". New Age fake witchcraft superpowers is the perverted form of Christians having spiritual gifts. Just like, New Age "karma" is a perversion of the Bible saying that you reap what you sow. This guy recently condemned me for eating lamb chops. Food sacrificed to idols. I hardly get to eat lamb & goat meat. We're not under the law in the Old Testament anymore. I prayed over the food. He CashApped me $1, 3 times this morning. He said he wanted to reach out to me, but I'm afraid of him saying something to piss me off. Or, I'm afraid of him acting like an undercover fake TI perp.
No, I'm DONE with narcs trying to control & fix me. Let me live my own life. Why do you care what I put in my body? & then they want to try to use fear mongering, causing me panic attacks, trying to manipulate me into feeling afraid that my death is imminent. Narcissistic Abusers worship death. I have to try to protect my mental health, as well. Narcissistic Abusers always wish for me to be cursed with diabetes.
1 girl once told me that, "Whoever wishes diabetes on you need to go eat deep fried testicles!" She even turned into a perp later on, & cut off all contact with me.
Many narcs have been waiting, for years, for me to drop dead of a heart attack, or for me to die in my sleep from diabetes. They used to force me to see a psychiatrist & take medicine that makes me extra hungry, craving junk food & blowing up, becoming obese. I also eat more, as a trauma response from their abuse. Then, they call me greedy for eating more. A neverending abuse cycle. & I get called dirty, disloyal & fucked up for blocking internet control freaks who try to use money to bait me in. Usually perps. Narcissistic Abusers & Gang Stalkers don't deserve my loyalty. & they're the main ones who call me disloyal. I guess it's disloyal because I fight against your delusional fake wannabe "ownership" of my mind, body, soul & life!
Update 04/01/2022: Another thing that narcissistic perps love to talk about (like the wishing diabetes on me), is how fluid is going to get around my heart & kill me. Even skinny targeted individuals get this artificial fluid retention & swelling because of DEW attacks.
& they love to falsely accuse me of being a hypochondriac, & they blame all of my physical ailments on anxiety, & they think that I created all these illnesses for myself, blame others & don't take responsibility.