I'm PUSHING myself to write, even though I'm sleep deprived. I did a YouTube video, but I already told y'all what happened to my MAIN Psych World channel. Gone! I gotta tell the story again.
I'm only speaking, based on my personal experiences & observations. It might be different with other Black families. Some people might take this blog post to offense. I don't mean to offend.
I'm from New Orleans. Unfortunately, I grew up around racism, colorism, texturism & featurism. Those with lighter skin or eye color, or finer hair thought they were better than you. Not all, but some of them.
When I was in about 1st grade, I always wanted long, silky, straight hair. I didn't realize that those girls walking around with hair like that, had hair like that because of being Louisiana Creole. I was too young to understand genetics. I'm also Creole. I didn't realize that my biological father, Arthur Grandpre, had straight hair & light skin. The foster mom didn't show us pictures of the biological parents, while we were growing up. The social workers didn't, either. (I don't think.) The biological brother Wyatt showed me a picture of Arthur when I was in 8th grade. I'm just realizing that I never got to see any pictures of her (or maybe I don't remember) & was kept in the dark about our biological mother Frances Grandpre until after I turned 18. I saw her in person for the first time since after foster care.
I already did a post, talking about the family colorism & the daddy issue. When I had my WordPress blog, I was able to embed pictures.
https://gangstalkedcreoleauthor.blogspot.com/2022/01/05-14-2020-blog-85-growing-up-with.html?m=1
https://gangstalkedcreoleauthor.blogspot.com/2022/01/05-22-2020-blog-96-family-colorism.html?m=1
I felt traumatized (& still do) by the former foster mom's abuse towards us with our hair. Especially me. 'Til this day, I still feel a PTSD moment whenever any product is put onto my scalp, especially if the product is COLD, like hair gel. When I was in middle school & high school, I used to be bullied & abused about my uncombed hair. Now, people chase me down & LOVE IT!
My hair got ruined by a hair conditioner product. Now, I'm trying to avoid the urge to get it all cut off again. I may have to go & find that video. Here it is. Suave hair products causing baldness.
https://youtu.be/GxIkawz0kFc
I faintly remember being 2 or 3 years old, & the foster sister April used to press our hair with the hot comb. She probably was still a teenager, then. I don't remember any complaints or any issues about pain or torture.
I remember that the foster mom's cousin Cricket used to comb our hair really rough when we were little (especially when she found out that we were going swimming). I don't think she was a narcissistic abuser, though. I somewhat question whether or not she's a targeted individual. She was persecuted by the foster mom Ann, herself.
In Black families, you hear about a girl being "tender-headed". That means that it easily hurts to comb her hair. Her scalp is sensitive. Sadistic narcissistic Black mothers, caretakers or whoever is doing the little girl's hair, is VERY rough. You know your daughter is tender-headed. Why comb her hair roughly, making her cry? & then whip her with a belt, whip her with your shoes or beat, punch, pinch, or slap her for crying, & then say that she's misbehaving? (Or the New Orleans way to say it, "Cuttin' up"). Misbehaving is cutting up in New Orleans slang. Or violently beat her upside the head with a wooden boar brush or a comb until she complies? Why can't you take your time, oil her hair a little more (if needed), & comb her hair gently? Sounds like Satanic Ritual Abuse & MK Ultra. Witchcraft.
The foster mom used to put 1 small dab of grease Liv grease in our hair every 3 days. She used to force me to wear hairstyles that I hated, & I used to sometimes angrily act out in school because of that.
Oh, yeah. I heard about Black hairdressers who do Voodoo. I also heard that jealous hair stylists would cut all of your hair off, & then fights would happen.
Whenever I would go to a salon or to get my hair cut, the narcissistic hairdresser or barber would do my hair the way THEY want to do it, & then charge me more. They would always tell me that my hair wouldn't look right. My desired style that I came to pay for NEVER looks right! If I protest, they tell me that my way would have me looking like a fool. They bully & shame me into submission & obedience. I walk out unhappy.
Sometimes, it takes many hours for certain hairstyles to be done. Remember Dookie Braids from the 90's? Janet Jackson had them in the Poetic Justice movie. Aww, man! Where do I begin? The abusive fake foster mom Ann used to Dookie Braid our hair too tight. People said that the braids were so tight that she had us looking Chinese! One time, she braided my hair, & my scalp was bleeding & had sores & scabs. I didn't report it to the teacher, but the teacher noticed it on her own. I was in 3rd grade. The teacher, I guess, called CPS, & the foster mom got mad & blamed me. I wondered what I was in trouble for. Come to think of it, CPS was called on the foster mom a few times. Ooh! That's another blog topic or another YouTube video topic!
Here's a graphic video about people having bloody braids too tight. It brought on a PTSD trigger for me. Some were worse than what I went through.
https://youtu.be/5NFomiJB5as
When I was probably in 1st grade, that was when they started putting relaxers/perms in our hair. I got the mildest form of "Just For Me" kiddie relaxer, & it was STILL unbearable burning torture! I don't remember who put my 1st perm in my hair. Probably April. Maybe not.
By the time I was in 2nd & also 3rd grade, Debra Gourgis from the fake IDMR cult was putting relaxers in our hair. I remember being traumatized & used to try to lock myself up in the bathroom for hours & refuse to come out. Maybe that might have been the reason why I hated being Black & didn't appreciate my hair texture. I used to dissociate & imagine myself to be a White boy, (then Vietnamese, then Hispanic) to try to escape from the trauma & pain. But I was never homosexual. IDK. Strange. I used to see myself as asexual.
When Debra used to put relaxers in our hair, (a few times, but not always) the perm chemically burned my scalp. I remember HUGE blackish purple scabs. More like, my entire scalp was 1 big, giant scab from the chemical burns from the perm/relaxer. I think the school teachers called CPS for child abuse then, also. I don't remember.
The foster mom & the foster sister Shelly never allowed us to wear our hair down. Only ONCE in 4th grade, for a fake IDMR cult recital. Maybe 2nd, 3rd or 4th. I don't remember. We used to always BEG for them to let us wear our hair down.
The foster mom was abusive & mean, & she didn't even let me wear my hair down for high school graduation. I was forced to be the only oddball to wear my hair in a ponytail. Mind you. I was 17, going on 18, & didn't have a say-so. Hell! The foster mom was controlling my attire & hair even when I was in college. I was forced to wear hand me downs from 3rd grade, when I was 18 & a college freshman!
Me & my twin sister used to suffer seborrheic dermatitis. I always had it worse than her. We had a White male dermatologist. I forgot his name. He advised the foster mom to cut all the perm out of our hair just once (& let it grow back naturally), thinking that that would end the seborrhea problem. It didn't.
The foster mom thought our short hair looked "cute", so just before 7th grade, she forced me & my twin sister to go to middle school on the 1st day with all of our hair cut off. The kids at school used to bully, harass & laugh at us & call us "boy". My twin sister was already a lesbian. When we were in 8th grade, we were forced to wear uniforms. Then the bullying got worse because the kids used to call us, "a boy in a dress".
I got so tired of being abused with my hair, + my OCD got worse. I wanted to be like the Hispanic people & wash my hair every day & then put gel, mousse & hairspray, just like they did. I became depressed & quit combing my hair, but I still washed it every day. I still wash my hair every time I shower. With me being homeless, I don't get to shower daily, anyhow. After I became targeted, I got bullied & harassed even MORE about my hair. Being told that my hair is nappy, & that I need a perm. They used to tell me that my twin sister has "better" hair than me. The fake foster mom Ann & her fake IDMR cult friend, Mrs. Lois one time said, "It look African"! Then the foster mom said, "Oh, no! It's nappier than an African, Lois! Africans got better hair than that!"
I got so fed up with the narcissistic abuse & the hair thing, as well as perms & braids, that I took a razor & scissors & shaved my head during my Junior year in high school (as a cry for help), & then just before starting my college Freshman year. Yes. Twice!
I was actually GETTING perms during my Senior year in high school. (The foster mom knows how to bully you into submission & obedience.) That's when I ended up being bullied by Kemberly Irons. J Demon Rotten 💩 is like Kem Irons, the sequel.
I used to want to be Latina in middle school & high school. I used to want to be "mixed" or light skinned. I quit wanting to be something that I'm not. It took me many years to accept my brown skin, my hair texture, my eyes, etc. Now, I have ZERO desire to want to be light skinned, White, Hispanic, foreign, etc. I admit that I'm still hung on the hair texture thing.
I was even getting some perms during my college years. The mentally slow, crazy biological family abused & bullied me about my hair. When my sister Ramona beat me up one time, she pulled my hair out (a couple of weeks after getting a perm/relaxer), & it was coming out in chunks FOR WEEKS! She was & still is EXTREMELY jealous! She's 19 years older than us. Some more hair related stuff happened, but I'm too tired & sleep deprived to talk about it.
Also, growing up in narcissistic Black families, we had to deal with being called names, like:
-pick a ninny
-picky headed
-nappy headed
& other derogatory names.
Ghetto kids used to fight & pull hair. Even grown adults. All that fake weave. Like brutal animals or something. They would argue & call each other, "bald headed". If your hair is shorter than bob length, & it's not long enough to be put into a ponytail, then you get called "bald headed" in the Black community.
I think that's all I can think of to say for now. Sorry that this post is all over the place. I need to go back & edit it.