06/29/2022
On my 1st Psych World YouTube channel, I remember doing a video, (I don't remember exactly what I talked about in the video.) talking about my challenges & experiences with OCD & being homeless. That channel is wrongfully gone. A gang stalker got my channel wrongfully shut down. I'm not even going to bring her name up in this post. She knows who she is! I talk about her & expose her dirty deeds all the time.
So, let me talk about it again on here. (I hate being forced to be careful with my words, especially with talks about "mental illness", when it comes to the gang stalking! Because they DELIBERATELY lie & twist everything to make me sound even CRAZIER! & they use even more of my traumas as a weapon against me.)
It's TORTURE to even put a germophobic OCD/PTSD sufferer in a position to be homeless! Homelessness & OCD don't go together. Torture & abuse is how I'm suffering what y'all call "mental illness" in the 1st place! Narcissistic abuse & cult abuse rewire the brain. A targeted individual, being forced homeless & already suffering PTSD & OCD! & the sadistic, psychopathic perps don't care! A pill won't solve anything.
Foster care abuse is how I developed OCD. The abusive, narcissistic fake foster family members thought they were better than us, & they saw us as "nasty". The foster mom Adrienne Felder, her sister Mikki, & Mikki's daughter Mildred; & also the foster stepdad John Terrell Thomas, whom they call "Mr. Terry", whom I personally call "Blackie's Wife, the crusty dog" (another narcissistic perp), all used to treat us like we were diseased & nasty/dirty. It was because of their narcissistic arrogance & conceit. They didn't have any OCD.
It all started from when we were little. The narcissistic fake foster cousin Mildred used to call us nasty & run us out of the kitchen while she was cooking. Years later, the foster stepdad used to treat us the same way.
The abusive fake foster mom used to abuse, torture & traumatize us to the point where we were afraid of her whippings, beatings & punishments. If our bedrooms weren't clean enough to the foster mom's satisfaction, then we were brutally beaten with a belt, & then we were forced to stay in our bedrooms all weekend & eat peanut butter & jelly sandwiches as a punishment.
Fast forward to somewhere in middle school (or was it high school?). The psychiatrist diagnosed me with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Tourette's Syndrome & Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The foster mom would lie & smear campaign me as "schizophrenic" & create her own ignorant, false diagnoses on me, to try to silence me speaking out against her abuse. She even took psychology classes, for an opportunity to play more psych games on us. The foster stepdad started with the psych games & gaslighting before she did. & the foster sister Shelly used to play psych games, as well.
Shelly used to do ignorant stuff, like forcefully ORDER me to close & lock the door. I would close & lock the door, & she would pretend to fake "angrily" force me to go back & double check to see if the door is locked. When I would check again, she would ignorantly laugh at me, making fun. Trying you make a fool out of me. I never understood why she did something so nonsensical & childish, if she was an adult. She did silly, immature stuff to us & treated us a certain way because of the stigma of us being "retarded". & they hated us because of the foster care & mental health stigma.
So, I was probably in middle school or high school, & the foster mom pretended like it was "strange" for me to have OCD & be so meticulous. Me being overly clean & a people-pleaser because of fear of traumatizing punishments & abuse. No chore was ever done satisfactorily enough. We were always forced to go back & redo it. It also didn't help that the foster family members were overly critical of our physical appearance & would shun us at EVERY opportunity! Especially our hair! Even post-foster care, after I became grown & on my own, I was traumatized by cleaning & tried to run away from it. Also, suffering depression severe enough that I tried to dodge & avoid cleaning & become overwhelmed. Having panic attacks. Despite being sometimes depressed enough to shower once a week or every 2 weeks, I still would suffer my OCD & just avoid touching things.
Updated & Edited: 07/04/2022
I guess, after foster care, my OCD compulsions got A LOT better, but I still suffered with the unwanted thoughts, counting & checking. It wasn't until I was raped by Giovanni in 2011, & I became homeless again, right around that time. No, I think I remember being grossed out & scared of all those street homeless men in Dallas, Texas. I guess that rape experience exacerbated my OCD. I started thinking I was going crazy. The touching & cleaning compulsions didn't flare back up again until I ended up in that fake domestic violence shelter. Then, it got even WORSE when I got to Los Angeles. People at the homeless shelter saw me as a troublemaker because they were ignorant of my OCD & didn't care. They also would bully me & try to fight me. They would say, "Well, if you don't want nobody touchin' you, then you shouldn't NEVER leave yo' house!" But I had no house! When they told me that, for some reason, it brought back bad memories of those ignorant, project, ghetto fake crusty kids @ school telling me, "At least I know who my real momma is!" Narcissistic abusers think it's funny to see me have an Asperger's meltdown after my OCD comfort has been violated. They're sadistic!
Los Angeles was the wrong spot to pick, to go live, but I was fleeing a rough situation. I didn't know. But I moved to Los Angeles, hoping to have another shot at a Spanish language translation career (which didn't work out) because of my homeless situation & lack of money for the schooling.
I got raped again by that freemason in 2012, after my OCD got better sometime after the rape by Giovanni almost EXACTLY a year later! Then my OCD relapsed. & then dealt with that rapist, Charles. Religious narcissists would DAMN me to hell for my OCD suffering, falsely accusing me of being a demon-possessed witch. With both my OCD & my Tourette's! I used to clean everything I touched with 91% rubbing alcohol. It was REALLY bad! Now, I clean everything I touch with 70% alcohol.
I would have difficulty in soup kitchen lines. I wouldn't argue over space in line, but I would get into arguments with DEMONIC, dirty homeless gang stalkers invading my space (getting too close to me), being bed bug infested, smoking around me, blasting loud music from their cellphones right next to me in line, & other annoyances. I don't like anyone touching me. I would get falsely accused of acting like I think I'm better than everyone, when I don't. I fear dirt or anything dirty, because of my traumatic upbringing. & then, for the perps to falsely accuse me.of being a pedophile. I just avoid PEOPLE altogether. I said I wasn't going to argue & fight with other homeless people 3 times a day in the food lines. Y'all call me "greedy", but they knock you down & try to stampede you over some food. I avoid the homeless "clique" & stay off to myself because most of those homeless are perps. I also avoid the homeless clique because they're druggies & thieves. I just don't want any trouble. That's why I resorted to eating out at restaurants 3 times a day. Also, to have a safe place to charge my phone & use the restroom. Even at restaurants, I sometimes have to deal with the gang stalking problems. It's everywhere. Inescapable. Every aspect of my life.
I also stay away from sexually perverted homeless men. Many of them are sickos. Always trying to hit on me. With both homeless men & women (both in the shelters & on the streets), I'm forced to deal with meddlesome, controlling, possessive bullies who like to try to pick arguments with me for no reason. Just like the Avis coworkers & other workplace mobbing situations. Bossy, controlling, meddlesome & need to mind their own business.
Last time I went to the Washburn center, it was during the beginning of the fake COVID-19 scam. A homeless gang stalker threatened me with a knife because he thought that I acted like I thought I was "too good" to be there. He said, "I cut up people who act like they think they're too good to be here!", while showing me a knife. The manager, Michael Kimberl, acted like he didn't believe me at first. He then looked at the security cameras. He still didn't believe me, after playing the cameras back several times. Then he saw the proof. He didn't even call the police. He just told the guy something & gave him a temporary ban or something like that. I never went back to the Washburn center since March 2020. Never set foot there since! Then, on the bus ride to the beach, a gang stalker pulled out a HUGE knife from his backpack when I turned & looked back. He wasn't at the Washburn center, but he was indirectly letting me know that he knew what happened. & everyone knows what happened with the situation with the homeless fake Jehovah's Witness perp, Marietta Denise McCloud, whom they call "Mary". I stay to myself & avoid homeless in shelters & other street homeless.
Even being on the streets, I've been harassed by other homeless. Well, being a TI, being harassed by perps, whether they're homeless or not. From all walks of life. Perps who would steal or violate my sleep spot. Even housed, rich gang stalkers who would pretend to be "homeless", just to surveil me or run me out of the area. I would try to keep the sleep spot clean & make myself comfortable. They won't let me get comfortable. Now, I don't have a proper sleep spot. I used to have a self-designated sleep spot, potty spot, spot to hide my belongings, & also a "chill" spot. Now, I basically don't have anywhere to exist. No privacy.
There's much of nothing out here for single women. No shelters available for single women here. & again, if they do... They're exploitative money-hungry prison scam cults. Whenever I would be in a shelter, they would mob me out of there within 2 hours maximum. & then celebrate me leaving. They're GLAD for me to be gone! Shelter residents would pretend to act like they're staff, & try to meddle in my business, boss & bully me. I end up having to cuss them out. Shelters don't accommodate disability. Someone being diabetic is "breaking the rules". My hypersensitive ear condition & OCD break the rules. I'm not allowed to have my earbuds to block out noise.
They think that their 20 trillion every-changing hidden rules hold more weight than someone's disability. Hell no! & you try to take $800/month from me, & I can't come & go as I please or eat whatever I want! When you're living in a homeless shelter, I'm telling y'all! You're PAYING to live in prison! Shelters are always booked/full anyway. No space available.
Update: Wow! So, just as I was working on this blog, THIS HAPPENS! Watch these 2 videos below. That's how I know that that lady is a perp! 🤦♀️
Ok. Here are the videos, explaining what happened.
https://youtu.be/wozhLXQfTv8
& this
https://youtu.be/fW6p-Uj4_Os
I'm so agitated (about what just happened) that I'm going to end this blog post right here, for now. I will probably come back to this at a later time, to add more & edit. Or, I might do a part 2, once my head is together. I'm sleep deprived, yet another day.