I started on this on 04/01/2023 & finished on 04/02/2023.
Solomon Slade wondered what the hype was about, with this new burger joint, called "Obese Burger", that was making people LOSE weight, instead of gain weight. He was skeptical. He looked down at his beer belly & reflected back on those 90's Subway commercials. Subway wasn't really making people LOSE weight. He wondered how, back in the 90's, he ate Subway & drank Slim Fast, & STILL wasn't losing any weight! Years later, he even tried Lipozene. Still. Nope. He considered gastric bypass surgery & tummy tucks, but feared being put under. He could never stay committed with gym workouts.
He walked in the door, & the bell rang. An employee, Greg Edwards, came rushing all the way from the back to the front cash register. He greeted Solomon & said, "Welcome to Obese Burger. Can I take your order? Now keep in mind. We're not Good Burger from the movie, & we're CERTAINLY not Mickey D's. We have NO affiliation with Fat Burger or Smash Burger. We're a different breed here."
Solomon went on to ask, "Do you remember Morgan Spurlock's 'Super Size Me', Slim Fast, Lipozene, & those 90's Subway commercials advertising weight loss?"
Greg looked at him funny & said, "Uhhhhh, NO!"
Solomon looked at all of those "before & after" weight loss pictures & "employee of the month" plaques on the wall & questioned, "Well, what's the hype? How are people losing weight?
Greg told him, "Look at the ingredients. We're transparent about our ingredients, & we care about what we serve to our customers. Believe it or not. Not only have our customers lost weight, but many of their sicknesses have been cured from eating our burgers."
Solomon's mouth dropped. He said, "You GOTTA BE kidding me!"
Greg challenged him to try a whole burger for free, for the 1st time. He let Solomon pick any burger off the menu that he wanted. Solomon wanted to try the "Chia Beet" burger. It was a burger with a homemade (from scratch) version of Ezekiel 4:9 bread with chia seeds on top (instead of sesame seeds), Havarti cheese, a grassfed bison burger patty that was infused with raw apple cider vinegar, shredded beets, shredded red cabbage, Maine Coast Sea Vegetables Dulse Flakes, & Himalayan pink salt; that was fried with virgin coconut oil. He chose kale chips on the side. For dessert, he had an almond spinach pina colada smoothie with a scoop of bentonite clay.
30 minutes after eating, Solomon's stomach started to erupt like a violent volcano. He had to RUN to the restroom. It was an emergency! He emptied all of the contents from his colon. He never felt so empty before. That was the clearest he has ever felt in years! Probably in all of his life.
Once he cleaned himself up & washed his hands, he left out of the bathroom hyperventilating, panting & breathing very hard. He shook hands & told Greg, "Mister. You LITERALLY saved my life! I'm a believer. You know? I used to shun all those Big Pharma medical conspiracy theories I've heard. They're not theories. Those people were right, after all. I need a whole diet overhaul!"
Greg hysterically & helplessly laughed in his face. He said, "You better go spread the word like spreading the Gospel. & while you're at it, spread the Gospel, too. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit."
Solomon walked out the door, laughing right back. He got in his car, drove back home, & told his wife about it. His wife became a believer, also.
THE END